Say No - Necessary Magic, 6 Reasons You Fear It
“No is a necessary magic. No draws a circle around you with chalk and says I have given enough.” - Mckayla Robbin
I was born and bred as a “yes” girl. A pleaser from my ginger tips to polished toes, “no” was not a staple in my vocabulary for far longer than I care to admit.
Then I started a business. It wasn’t too long after that I found myself in a vicious “yes” cycle constantly agreeing to things that were misaligned with my priorities and direction (or that I just didn’t want to #*&%$ do…); feeling resentful and frustrated afterwards: assuring myself I’d say no next time: drowning in shame for losing my backbone or guilt for not finding gratitude in the ask, and then...spoiler alert...saying yes all over again.
Sound familiar?
Finding my “no” wasn’t a luxury, it was a necessity for both my sanity and the success of my business. And believe me when I say, this skill didn’t show up overnight - it was a muscle I had to build and learn to flex over time.
Oh, but once I did….sweet, sweet relief! Learning to say no is essential because it empowers you to take back control over your time, energy and emotional wellbeing by allowing YOU (yes, you my queen) to prioritize and own what is most important to you.
In my experience, the path to finding your “no” is easier to walk if you understand why you default to “yes”. Here are 6 reasons why you may fear flexing your “no”.
FEAR OF MISSING OUT (FOMO)
This could be the opportunity of a lifetime. This could be good money. This could be a great chance to network.
Or it may just be a ginormous headache you’ll need a good soak and wine with a straw to come out of. Choose wisely.
FEAR OF DISAPPOINTING OTHERS
You are a queen, but you cannot be everyone’s hero.
You may feel pulled to bail someone out, let someone off the hook or make someone’s life easier, but know avoiding their disappointment may come at your great expense.
FEAR OF REJECTION
Woof. This one is a doozy. Worrying if your “no” will result in others thinking less of or turning away from you is bone-deep.
In these instances, I challenge you to question whether these relationships that hinge on your constant yes are the ones you want to keep. You have permission to stop hustling for your worthiness.
FEAR OF CONFLICT
“Yes” is one of the easiest ways to guarantee a quick, positive reaction and avoid conflict.
I get it, but often the harder thing is the thing worth doing.
FEAR OF GUILT
This is especially challenging following a history of “yes” to this person. You may feel obligated to continue being agreeable if you have been before, but this is just another spin of the yes-cycle.
Round and round you will go...get off the hamster wheel now.
FEAR OF NOT PLEASING
To my fellow people pleasers, this one is for you. Sometimes you just want to make someone else happy, and that’s ok. But put on your own oxygen mask first.
And see previous note about hustling for worthiness…
Are you stuck in a “yes” cycle and need help flexing your “no”? We’ve got you. Get in touch with us today to learn more about business coaching with Behind The Scenes.